Some Financial Predictions

My prediction for the Third Quarter, 2009:

Happy To Be Here

So, checking out Willie's link the other day, I noticed that he hadn't updated this blog in quite awhile. Me, being the curious type, figured that he is just a busy guy and he will get to it soon enough. I put in a note asking him if I could do a few things for the site, and he said "Hell Yes"!.
I am by no means an expert on the porn world,and have no contacts there other than the people who I interact with regularly on XXXPT.com But, I am starting to understand it a lot better, finding out who is tolerated and despised. It is fascinating to get an inside glimpse into this world, which my past experience used to be blowing a load into a Kleenex.
To let a schmuck like me, whose claim to fame in the porn world is making a Shy Love video, calling Bree Olson on Howard Stern, and writing a lot of nonsensical ramblings on XPT, post here, is an honor.

I heard that Desi and Elli are going to be appearing on Howard Stern as "the prize" for a father and son team to "party" ( as the old cunt calls it) with. I plan on being on the phone and to get a plug in for XPT. I have also been given some awesome info that will most definitely get me on the air. Lame to look forward to? Maybe. But it definitely will be fun for me.
I actually want to go there at five in the morning and bust her balls as she goes into the building.
And then make a day of it in NYC. The former will be videotaped, of course, and uploaded to YouTube. That will be must-see TV. And, from my video camera, probably the most main-stream coverage she will ever get.
Yes, I am just as retarded as most think.
I

Playboy Enterprises: Worthless, Part 4

4. PLA management is worthless.

So back in the roaring '60s, Hugh turned his jack mag into quite the brand. And when he took it public in 1971, dudes were waiting in line to have a share of the "Bunny." Hef pocketed millions.

Then the company came to him again in the early 90s. Now, the price of cash was his daughter Christie. Make her the CEO of my fabulous franchise.

And lo and behold, decades later, his daughter has basically run the company into the ground. Want some examples????

--Christie was behind the wheel when the company made its ludicrous purchase of Club Jenna for over $20MM. That purchase has produced no measurable results to the company's bottom line.

-- CH orchestrated the purchase of Spice TV and several other cable porn companies, hoping they would justify the revenue. Guess what, they didn't. Spice died as other cable porn outlets came online, and PLA's cable TV franchise is so tenuous that a single broadcast company can cancel their distributorship unilaterally, and PLA can't do a fucking thing about it.

So for all this incompetence, guess what Hef's daughter got in return for being fired from the company:

--$2MM in cash, lump sum
--30,000 Shares of PLA stock, class B
--$22M in vacation pay
--Payment in full on her Diner's Club Card.
--All "personal costs" to be reimbursed

All this skank had to do was:

1. Don't badmouth the company
2. Don't compete against the company for two years
3. Make "intellectual use" of Playboy.

Yeah, right. Hugh fired his daughter, then set her up for life.

Read the shit here: http://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgar/data/1072341/000116923209001548/d76389_ex1027-d.txt

Fuck this whore and phuck Playboy!!!!

Playboy Enterprises: Worthless, Part 3

3. Club Jenna is Worthless.

If you remember far enough back to 2007, when it was announced that Playboy was going to buy out Jenna, there were all these wild speculations...what was the company worth...her name alone was worth $30MM...the talk of all the "prefilmed" movies of her and Jay so that she would never have to shoot new content. You would think this purchase was something that was really going to revive the business. Well, then it was all said and done, the deal went like this: Club Jenna owners got about $17MM in cash over 4 years, PLUS they would get even more if the company met some sales goals.

Anybody want to guess how much Playboy has had to pay in additional royalties for the past few years? That's right, absolutely nothing. Now, on one hand, you could say, Well, they don't have to pay for any new content. True, except now they are the de facto owners of the company. They have to pay for all the expenses, such as hiring the whores, paying for production space, etc. Playboy thinks so highly of Club Jenna now, they mentioned it exactly twice by name in their 2008 annual report, itself almost ninety pages long.

Twice.

Of course, the exact results are buried in with a bunch of other business units--they aren't ready to make that knowledge public. All the same, it's not hard to figure out why the enterprise isn't paying off like they envisioned: Jenna got her money, and like any other two-bit whore, ran away as fast as she can so she could squeeze out some MMA-babies and live like a queen for another decade or so. The current list of whores at CJ is pretty depressing: Sophia Rossi, Jill Kelly, Ashton Moore...women with plastic faces and overstuffed tits. Well, I suppose for a magazine that purchases photo retouching ink by the gallon, maybe it's not such a stretch. Just imagine paying your fired CEO Christie Hefner $2MM to go away quietly after spending $17MM two years ago, and then having to include this line in your financial report about it, "No earnout payments have been made through December 31, 2008, and no future earnouts are expected as we are exiting the DVD business."

Find PLA's annual report here: http://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgar/data/1072341/000116923209001548/d76389_10-k.txt